Author Archives: bagrat15

The Ten FASTments

Posted on 12 November 2011 | 1 Comment

The Ten FASTments

Harder they fall, stronger you become.

  1. Thou shalt fell the stumps, and anything before it.
  2. Thou shalt serve your duty in terrifying the cowards under the hoods of helmets and behind  guards and swords, with bare hands.
  3. Thou shalt run up as long as you wish, it is the prequel to awesomeness.
  4. Michael Holding is a God. Thou shalt worship anybody with brutal pace and lethality.
  5. Thou shalt vow to be merciless. Brian Close’s chest is the bull’s eye.
  6. Thou shalt remind the batsmen, they are over-rated. Bowlers swing better than batsmen.
  7. Thou shalt feel sorry for batsmen, but only after thou becometh the one they fear.
  8. Thou shalt employ verbal torture. Thou can’t talk for long after he is out.
  9. Thou shalt do away with fielders. Keeper and umpires suffice.
  10. Every wicket deserves a celebration, for, a soul leaving the holy land of the pitch deserves a send-off.

You are the master of your slave.

(photos credit : www.bbc.co.uk and www.crickipedia.com)

-Bagrat

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The Third Angle

Posted on 25 October 2011 | 6 Comments

I like chocolates. I love them. I’m a chocoholic. For more than a decade, the freezer in the refrigerator at home has been chocolates’ permanent address. Other stuffs share the space on temporary basis. But now, my mother complains that I’m not finishing them off at the same rate as I used to a few years ago. True. I’ve had them, over and over again. I’ve had nearly all of them, been fickle over naming a favourite one each year. I’m bored of eating chocolates. Yet, I love them. Will have one, now and then, but not as staple diet.

I wonder if the same has happened with the fans of the game, and the game of cricket itself. One Day International cricket, especially. (well, the fall isn’t that sudden/steep in tests, has been gradual).

There was the World Cup, which India won. Unlike the World Cup victory in 1983, which put India on the map of cricket, this world cup win didn’t glue the fans to the game for long. No, I’m not saying cricket lost its fans, I’m just saying fans are finding it too hard to follow the journey of the game.

There was IPL even before the World Cup victory’s champagne bottle was uncorked. As soon as the IPL ended, the fans were too exhausted from the euphoria of the very dazzling league, that the tour of WI, in all its played down humbleness, received near zero following. I would be conversing with one or two people on twitter, at max. That’s alright, maybe? WI are not the same, Indian team was half as strong as the WC team, et al. But, look at the global picture – few WI fans attended it. Zimbabwe’s remarkable come back to (test) cricket didn’t get big turn-outs, Pakistan’s outings at WI, Zimbabwe and UAE aren’t well attended. But for marque series, there is hardly any interest.

Ever been to office/college/school without eating your breakfast. How well did you enjoy your lunch? Did the hunger make it more enjoyable? Was there more satisfaction?

The is no such hunger left in cricket, with cricketers having jam-packed international tours round the year. Teams play each other over and over (INDvSL in the past, INDvENG now & in the near future), it is saddening to hear of repetitive fixtures.

ICC is changing the rules of the game time and again, making it more fancy, or trying to. People have polarized views on each of those rules. But, in spite of all that, ICC hasn’t done enough to buy the fans into the stadia. It’s like an ungrown Mario meeting the monster at level 8-4, can’t do any better no matter what one tried.

Is there a way out?

Possibly, Tri-Nation Tournaments.

Australia had ditched it (and now going back to it), India has ditched it, England isn’t hosting any of this, nor are WI or NZ or SA. SL are, so are Zimbabwe and Bangladesh..or, rather, they have been the ones to do it in the last 2 years.

Instead of a team playing 10 games against 2 other teams by means of two separate ODI series one after the other, a 10 game Tri-series (3 rounds of 3-game Round Robin, plus a final) would deliver more excitement than the two before mentioned series put-together.

For one, there would be some competition. Every team would want to reach the finals, and have a shot at glory. And, more than that, there would be more following of the game. More people will be watching it, out of concern, at least. Instead of “ah, we won another game” in an indifferent manner, there might be a “YES! we go to the top of the table now. If Ind beat Eng in the next game, we will be in the finals….” and so on.

Three teams. You don’t have to wait for your favourite player from a third team to arrive after a month to see him play. You will see him atleast every other match. All three teams are involved at the same time. The matches would be more crucial. The possibility of a “dead rubber” will reduce. Look at the ODI series that we have seen since the World Cup. But for ENGvSL and SLvAUS, all other series were decided at the half-way mark. Only ENGvSL went to the last game. In a tri-nation tournament, the winner can be decided only in the finals. There is excitement. There is a wait for that excitement.

And over 10 games, one team plays only 7 games, at max. That’s atleast 300% saved for any team involved. The finals will be more likely a close-contest, than the final dead rubber of a bilateral series. And this single tournament is enough for atleast 3-4 months of ODI needs, you will have tests etc before/after it.

Just fit a Tri-Nation tournament in-between two test series, and see how it goes. Or go a step further. A and B play a test series somewhere, C and D play a test series elsewhere. Make A, B, C and D meet at a common point for a quadrangular trophy. Sharjah? Canada? Singapore? Or in any of the 4 countries itself. Why not?

The Shrine of Tri-Nation Cricket

Bring back the glory days.

Atleast one weak team can benefit from this. Involve them more, don’t discard them. Kenya’s last Tri-nation tournament involving a test nation came in 2003 ( same year as the last time tri-nation tournament was hosted in India). They were World Cup semi-finalists that year. Haven’t played another ODI outside World Cups since. Out of the top of my head, I can remember good performances by Kenya in two different tri-nation ODI series involving India. One was in South Africa in 2001. The other, in India in 1998 (it was actually an IND-BANG-KEN Tri series). Kenya beat India once in either occasion. They were minnows then too, they’re disappearing into the oblivion now.

We haven’t shelved away many of those Sharjah Cup games from our memory. The Tri-Nation tournaments in Australia have always been fun. Natwest Tri-Series in England, how many sweet memories haven’t they produced?

Let us hope the CB Series 2012 revives the endangered tradition of Triangular Tournaments. I’m not businessman, I know no money talk. I know I love cricket, and would love to see many more love it.

-Bagrat

(photo credit : Wikipedia)

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Going Places. A book-review.

Posted on 16 October 2011 | 2 Comments

Going Places : India’s Small-Town Cricket Heroes, by K.R. Guruprasad.

From gully cricket to Team India

I was at Landmark, browsing books, hoping to buy some books that would help me spend some alone-time in this new place I’ve now moved into, far from home. Lying in a small heap in “Sports Section”, was this book, the photograph on its cover, gripping my attention. Set my hands on it, read the title, bought it.

We, in India, love to play cricket. Anywhere. I’ve played cricket inside my house, on the staircase of my apartment, in the garage, between cars, in my classroom, in school corridors, on the streets, in football grounds, basketball courts, ofcourse in cricket grounds, and have also approved of a couple of bathrooms being large enough to play the game; and also told my colleague in office that the aisle between our cubicles seem to beg us to play cricket. This book tells us how kids who once played like this in small towns, with tennis balls, made it big. It is a fairy tale story for some, bed of thorn for some others.

Author, K.R. Guruprasad, from Bellary, tells us how he enjoyed the game as a kid, when the local cricket club had the best ever players one can see, and how it seemed pointless at that point for anyone playing the game to represent the country, as there cannot be any more pride than playing for the local club you grew up watching. Things changed with television age. And the world cup victory. He tells us how people could’ve watched the ’83 WC if they went to big cities, like Madras. But the rest of India had to manage with radio, which would at that age allot a minimal time to cricket inbetween its regular programs.

How the author takes us from this introduction to setting before us eleven players from the rural pockets of India who have made a name for themselves at the international stage (or about to…) is magical. He travels from the urban metros to villages, from cricket academies in Bangalore, to sports hostels in Lucknow. He meets people who’ve helped cut to shape the diamonds we celebrate today as crowns of Indian cricket.

The XI listed in the book – Mahendra Singh Dhoni, Santhakumaran Sreesanth, Virender Sehwag, Ashok Dinda, Munaf Patel, Suresh Raina, R. Vinay Kumar, Iqbal Abdullah, Praveen Kumar, Ravindra Jadeja and Harbhajan Singh.

The books tells us all the hardship that cricket dreamers in the rural India have to face. The lack of facilities, lesser access to media to pronounce their performances to a larger audience, and lack of funds. What keeps them together, however, is their hard work. Sheer hard work. And some wonderful gem of people who actually took them to where they now are.

The books indirectly lists four factors have featured as major reasons to why we now see more cricketers from rural pockets play for Team India -

1. The New Ranji Trophy Format

Until the 2001/02 season, Ranji Trophy was zonal. But for the top bracket, rest of the teams would hardly get to play more than 3 or 4 games. It was harder to spot talent. Teams with better facilities would survive most rounds. Lesser teams would be eliminated without even facing big names, and hence always lying behind on quality. Delhi, Bengal, TN, Mumbai, Hyderabad, Karnataka would get to play more and perform more, as compared to Uttar Pradesh, Rajasthan, Saurashtra or Kerala. Selectors saw the same faces more regularly, and cricketers from select regions were more likely to make it to the Indian team.

From 2002/03 season on, zonal system was abolished and Elite + Plate league was announced. Every team would play a league, and play as many games as any other team in their league, and play the big names. Competitiveness improved. The author gives UP as an example. UP favoured from the format change, then had a Ranji victory, then had Kaif, and that was a spring board for many more to follow – Suresh Raina, Piyush Chawla, RP Singh, Praveen Kumar. Well, we’ve now even had a Plate League team win the Ranji Trophy.

2. The IPL

The IPL was an instant hunt for talent across all teams in the country, and some new names propped up on the screen, rubbing shoulders with big names. The new kids from the domestic circuits in the rural India now shared the glamour worn by international stars. They played with them, against them, and in the process learnt new art, made friends to fall back on for advice etc. What IPL gave them more than anything, was money, money to survive the toughness of rural reality. In the book, you will find examples to how the breakthrough of IPL has helped many families break even with the world and start living in peace.

3. Family, mentors and friends

Cricket was not a serious option in rural India, not sure if it is today either. Most families aren’t enthusiastic about investing money in their child’s cricket. But, there are some who can see that their kid has it in him to make it to the big level. If you read between the lines, you would actually realise that the “heroes” mentioned in the tagline for the title of this book is actually meant for the mentors. Amazing examples of mentors fill the pages of the book, who, through their whole hearted love for the game and the wards, has put new names on the Indian cricket team. Even today, amidst all the shine and gloss that pampers the cricketers, first thing they do once back home is visit their mentors, spend quality time with friends and enjoy the comfort of home. For the rural people, these kids have always been their heroes, since the day the kid broke their window pane 15 years ago. In urban, there are so many things on your mind, you never know if your neighbour is a hero until he makes an appearance on TV.

4. HARD WORK

The author says how the kids in rural region seemed to be extra hard-working. Yes, one has to work hard to survive in the game, but the ones from rural region have to put in extra effort to match players from urban India. The lack of state-of-art facilities, coaches and technology kept their progress rate slower than compatriots. But some broke through. Again, credits to mentors, first for spotting them, and then persisting with them alll through the good, bad and ugly stages of their life before the glory days started. Some coaches still offer tutorials free of cost, some recruit their wards from places 1000 miles away from home, and feed them in their home like their own sons. Such is the hard work and dedication from the mentors, you can only wonder how much they would extract off their wards.

The author tells us how these stars from rural regions have had to battle myriad difficulties in their life to reach the top. It was no rose bed. One was 45 days from leaving to Africa to earn a living and survive his family. One had given up on cricket and thought of becoming a truck driver in Canada. How right people find themselves in the right time in these people’s lives is explained beautifully. Giving up was something was an attitude that had to be removed from their minds, and was done well too.

Some anecdotes made me smile, some made me weep. If one has to learn something from this book, it is that nothing is reserved to the big cities. If you want something, your determination will take you to the top.

Excellent work by K.R. Guruprasad for having put together all this in one book, having traveled from hot and dry places to wet and sludgy streets, just to meet the people who would best paint the portrait of these cricketers we have now come to adore.

I recommend this book to anyone who loves Indian cricket.

“Going Places : India’s Small-Town Cricket Heroes”, by K.R. Guruprasad.
Penguin Books.
Rs. 199/-

(photo credit : Penguin Books)

- Bagrat

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“Controversially Yours”. Book Review.

Posted on 8 October 2011 | 4 Comments

Book: Controversially Yours

Author : Shoaib Akhtar (Autobiography)

Harper Sport /HarperCollins Publishers.

The front cover, to silence critics.

Review

The title is about what the world gave him, the picture on the front cover is his reaction, and the one on the back cover is a depiction of what he achieved.

The just retired Pakistani paceman, Shoaib Akhtar, brings out all his feelings, opinions and experiences in one book. He expands his chest, finally gets a chance to expel the residential dust, and he takes the opportunity to let the world read it for themselves.

The Childhood

Akhtar starts from his birth, maybe even before, as he tells us he is born to a poor family, and he carries the name of his elder brother, whom his family had lost before his birth. The family strives hard to make ends meet, but makes sure their kids get education of the best possible class.

Akhtar the kid, spent his day running, running, and running. If not, playing pranks. The one thing that put him to a halt, was asthma. Getting past severe stages of the trouble, he continues to run like it never hurts. It’s tough, I know personally. Asthma from a decade ago still handicaps me. Anyway, now, Akhtar is put under English medium school, where he loves his classes, starts playing sports, and makes new friends. Pranks tried to keep him at bay, while his academics and sports gave him wings.

Due to monetary constraints, Akhtar shifts to Urdu medium school, where his courses are too easy, and already dealt with in  his previous school. Protests happen, reports happen. His father is a disciplinarian, and young Akhtar always got his treatment for every single prank he played, or household curfew he broke. He wasn’t afraid to run away from home, and needed some convincing from his brothers to return home. Nevertheless, he understands why the parents did so, and the parents understood their son better. But, when there is so much to do with so little money, temper isn’t easy to manage.

Craving Stardom

Akhtar develops passion for football and cricket during his school days. After TV came into his life, cricket took a big step ahead. He worshiped Imran Khan. The 1992 World Cup helped that more. He copies Imran’s action, run up, bowling… Then develops his own. College life grants him freedom, and place in the team.

Akhtar has always dreamt to be a star, an attention seeker. He loved to be famous. He loved the people who encouraged him on the way. He hated doubters. College life meant freedom, a place in the cricket team meant another door’s opening, in the maze to stardom. He still keeps his fearless attitude intact, ready to play pranks, and also ready to admit to them. All meant in a sense of humour. One prank nearly killed his professor. They patched things up later. Story of his life.

He then takes us through his first sighting of Imran Khan, Wasim Akram and Waqar Younis – Great, Great, Idol, in that order. His talents are spotted, and is selected for u-19 games. He then travels to Karachi, with his friend, almost penniless, to break into Pakistan International Airways’ Karachi team. Going through difficulties, Akhtar reaches the ground, and performs well.  Zaheer Abbas picks Akhtar into the star studded PIA squad. Akhtar’s dream is nearly there. He’s standing with the best in the business, he can see his stardom.

Pain before the debut…

What follows is the beginning of the spiralling maze that his career has been. A mix of talent, performance, ignorance, injuries, temper and needless controversies strung together by teammates, staffs and media.

His stint with PIA was a black mark in his career, before it even started – he was underpaid, put into a situation where he had to almost choose between food and shelter, and was a perennial water-boy. He never got to play. He would walk 4 hours a day to the ground, practice and return, traversing the same path and duration. Death becomes his neighbour during the Karachi riots, as he puts his life on the line to attend cricket duties each day, evading bullets and crossing corpses lying on the floor, bathing in blood. Having seen enough, and not wishing to put any other dependents on risk (he had also invited Saqlain Mushtaq to Karachi), he lashes out at PIA for their atrocity and ignorance and returns home. And all he did at home, was run, run, run and practice. A year later, he plays for a domestic team, and gets his revenge against PIA, cricket-wise. After having blown them away with his bowling, he also gave them a mouthful. Again.

He loved to fight, fight for genuine reasons. He feared none, he stood up for what he thought was right, and didn’t back off. He had seen difficulties, from poverty to death. He let nothing deter him on his way to glory. His belief in God, whom he affectionately addresses ‘Boss’, keeps him going.

Career Takes Flight, jolts, spirals

A faulty report puts off his debut by an year. His debut later becomes a battleground for tension, as he enters into a team that scorned him. Captain detested his presence, and the man he replaced, his idol, was obviously unhappy. His outburst against the PIA players fresh in their mind, Akhtar’s test debut was forgettable. He is dropped, pretty much isolated by the team, like an outcast.

Fought to keep his head held high.

There were only 3 things Akhtar cared about when on the field – the Star on his heart (see pic), the hunger for victory, and the passion to take wickets in howsoever manner.

And the things that always pulled him back – politics, coincidental infamy and injuries. All his seniors had an opinion about him, rarely good. The board was almost always discriminating him. The injuries kept coming in. His joints had a disorder, and would develop fluids if put to work. Asthma kept his energy levels down. These factors would pepper his career with unfortunate controversies.

He takes us through various editions of county and club cricket in England, where the workload was lesser, and always wanted a mentor for Pakistani national team, a physician if I could point at a dot, who could take care of pacemen, and all cricketers as a whole. He tells us coaches and mentors in Pakistan believe work load = strength, a thought he believed/s should be changed.

He takes us through the epic test series in India, which he saw from the sidelines, not allowed inside the dressing room. When he got a chance to play against India at Kolkata, he was up for it. He sets Sachin as his prize, and gets him first up. He is overjoyed with the scalps of Dravid & Sachin. A needless controversy in the game puts an early end to his celebrations. He then takes us through to the 1999 world cup, and the result meant that he was again pin-pointed for defeat, and false allegations.

Chucking Allegations

Then comes another scar – chucking allegations. In spite of him repeatedly being cleared for the bowling action by various medical and human-movement science institutes, he is still being called for chucking. Reports have proved that his arm has the unnatural flex, which makes his natural action look bent, and this cannot be cured. Even after the clearance under the examination of Dennis Lillee, the world continued to not believe in it. Mind you, Shoaib Akhtar now reserves the right to sue you in millions if you try to charge him for offence. Quite a few times, he had to be asked to pull out of such intentions by his near and dear ones.

161.3kmph

Akhtar loved being fast. It was something he possessed, and rarely anyone else did. He met Thompson, and it only made him want the record of being the fastest bowler even more. The first time he broke the 100 mile barricade, it was shushed by ICC. The next time, he did it in ICC’s garden, the World Cup. He is proud of the record. It is a world record, intact till date. But, then goes on to admit the World Cup ended poor, as Sachin and Sehwag came on to destroy their dreams of winning back the cup.

He is then dropped, as usual, later picked. The ball tampering row starts, where he admits immediately to guilt. Also, tries to explain that it should be introduced into the game, with necessary curtains.

Indifferent continuation… Retirement…

From here to the end of his career after 2 more world cups, he had more conflicts with the board, which was governed by the government, and had their hand-picked captain. Hence, he had conflicts with captain. He had problems with pitches that rarely helped bowlers. He was used when he was not fit, and kept out when fit and performing. He was falsely accused of whining at a kid, raping, chucking, curfew-breaking and many other allegations. Wrong place at the wrong time. He explains and admits to doping charges and the Asif bat-tle. He admits to charges, but is meted out crucifying bans. Contacts and friends help him out. Haters and poachers try pushing him out. He has tidbits from IPL, mentions that he found love in India in the fans and enjoyed the experience, but expected a better price tag for his skill-set, he was promised compensation but not given.

The Eagle's last flight in the fields...

He hangs his boots along with the end of the world cup, and says he has no regrets. He played for his country, and led them to victory, bringing him joy. Throughout the book, he gives his views about cricketers across the globe and across all ages. He idolizes Waqar, though they had trouble making up, he calls Wasim great, though conditions applied. The only surprise to me was that I couldn’t find any mention of Mohammed Yousuf.

Bereft of wings of luck, managed to fly high…

His childhood dream of “being a star” became a reality. He revelled in the stardom, attracted fame, blame and controversies alike. He loved the affection he received. He danced, he partied. He got injured, he was ousted. Controversy after controversy pulled him down, truth was always curtailed. He never got his say out in the open. Seniors and coaches disliked his presence, juniors paid little heed to his advice (asks them to not become like him). He enjoyed both the glamour and the darkness given to him by the media.

In the end, he is happy to be back to take care of his parents and save his knees for his future, to play around with a family of his own.

-

A book with neat insights into his personal life, a life of a man who loved playing pranks, set high dreams, wanted and became a star, and was too frank for his own good. His temper and no-fear attitude put him in trouble. His kind heart and talent won him fans. May not have had all that was expected, but it is the best you can remember Shoaib Akhtar by, for now…

Good bye, Rawalpindi Express. Let the eagle in you always fly high.

Controversy Ends.

(photos credit: livemint, insidesportsmania.blogspot.com)

- Bagrat

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New ODI Rules.

Posted on 6 October 2011 | 5 Comments

Clearly, ODI cricket is on a new low. Viewers aren’t watching, sponsors not willing to invest, same bunch of teams taking turns winning, same bunch of teams taking turns not winning, T20s eating into ODIs like Moths, sweeping away crowds like Dung Beetle, and test cricket stomping on it like a Woolly.

I See, see, that One Day International Cricket needs some serious changes. So I took it upon me to save ODI cricket from its early death. My views have been approved by an imaginary board. It’s quite the same as imaginary views being approved by a real cricketing board.

Here is the list of a few minor, major and utterly mandatory changes :-

01. The captain who loses the toss, buys the opponent’s playing XI dinner on the night of the game. If he loses, it will be good for him, as the winning captain has to sponsor the opponent’s XI’s lunch the following day. ICC and boards see this as a way to cut their own expenses. ECB were happy at this.

Note - M.S. Dhoni quoted “Well of course, winning is important, irrespective of the toss” in satisfaction of the law.

02. There will be a two minute mandatory break in each innings after the 25th over. This is a dedicated time for the teams to play dodgeball. Fielding XI forms a circle of 15 yard diameter, and the two batsmen who’re playing must play dodge. If they’re hit in the 2 minutes, they’re out. This dismissal will be termed “Hit Out”, and will be credited to the fielder who hit the batsman. For a brochure of complete rule-set, it can be obtained from the patent owner, me, upon request.

Note - HotSpot will be applicable here, its applcation will be decided by 3rd umpire. BCCI are not yet happy about this.

03. Each team will have 2 reviews under UDRS, but their request will be put forth only if they can recite a tongue twister 10 times within 25 seconds to the bowling end umpire. The tongue twister will be of the umpire’s choice. This is to reduce the number of referrals made, if not eliminate.

Note - Michael Clarke has filed a request to the ICC to not allow Australian matches to be umpired by BOTH Aleem Dar and Asad Rauf.

04. As a step to move forward with the Spirit of Cricket, the captains of both teams in the last match of the series/tournament, must exchange trousers at of toss. An undisclosed spokesperson for an undisclosed team said “They exchange tee shirts at football matches. We just exchange trousers.”

You may have one heart, but you have two legs. Better deal!

Note - BCB announces double money payback to anyone who is willing to return their merchandises, waist below.

05. An innings is for 3.5 hours. Now on, there won’t be any fine for exceeding the time limit. Just, the bowlers must bowl with their wrong hand.

Note - E(&W)CB awards permanent contract till retirement to Samit Patel, assuring him a place in the playing XI.

Endorsed by Barbie and approved by Inspector Jacques Clouseau.

06. As the game has become very colourul, we have decided to add some more colours to the game. Bowlers will now bowl each over 3 different coloured balls. If x,y and z are the colours, the over will be bowled in xyzxyz order.

Note - Batting team can decide the colour of the ball. For England, pink is mandatory.

07. For the first time in any sport than includes hurling a ball at someone else, there will be the introduction of the concept of “Money Ball”. Inspired and adapted from the NBA, this gives you double benefits. Each bowling team gets two Magic Balls each innings, the captain is free to opt for it any time in the innings, but they must be exhausted in the 50 overs. If the bowler picks a wicket, the next batsman on the officially declared batting order is Magicked Out, and cannot bat. Two wickets. One ball. You only dreamt of it. Batsmen will similarly double whatever they score off the Magic Ball.

Note - Lasith Malinga is smiling now.

08. Any commentator who gets a feeling of any kind while on air will be given free treatment at a local hospital far away from the ground for 6 months, and be sanctioned medical-leave for the period. This is to let the world knows that ICC cares for the welfare of their presenters.

Note - We thank the students of KMC (Kilpauk Medical College), Chennai for suggesting this very noble idea.

09. ICC has recruited and contracted Russel Peters to every possible ODIs that are played around the world for conducting the presentation ceremony. An office bearer said “We want the people to stay for the presentation ceremony. The people who conduct it now are so predictable. My dog knows what lines are coming up.” Russel Peters is ready for the task. He said in an exclusive interview, “Each player summoned to the dais must start with a ‘Your momma is so fat..’ joke.”

Note - ICC mentioned that it will impose a fine of upto 1 match ban on players who opt for “Well of course, your momma is so fat.”

10. As many incidences have come up, and many have mentioned the need for it officially, since it is unofficially happening anyway, we have decided to legalize ball tampering. Ball tampering has been defined as a “one time 30 second long act in making allowable alterations to the surface of the ball, without disfiguring the shape of the ball, with whatever means possible, in front of both field umpires and under the vigilance of a spider camera”. It will be allowed only to those bowling teams who employed only fast bowlers in their first 15 overs, with a second slip always present during the period, and no player making a visit to the dressing room until the point of time when the allowance is made by the on-field umpire (only after 38th over). This is to make sure that the fast bowlers are sufficiently utilized at the beginning itself, and also that nobody brings in extra tools for any disfiguration.

Note - ”fast bowlers” is a list of literally fast or medium fast bowlers, and does not include Keiron Pollard or Paul Collingwoord. Jade Dernbach has been sent a list of rules to abide by for the first 15 overs to help his team avail this offer.

Let Glory Be Restored To ODIs

 

Bagrat

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