Monthly Archives: June 2007

Borde prepares for England tour…

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Remote Control Management

ShaftTreeAndHaveArse

If you would like to read more about RCM and FordGate, follow this link!

Indian Umpire in Elite Panel…

Suresh Shastri makes his debut as an umpire in ICC’s Elite Panel when he officiates in the first Test in Colombo between Sri Lanka and Bangladesh on Monday25 June. This will be the first Indian umpire officiating as an ICC Elite Panel umpire after a gap of 50 Test! The lase Indian Test umpire before Shastri was K. Hariharan.

The 51-year old Suresh Shastri was a left-arm spinner for Rajasthan before turning to umpiring.

The ICC Elite Panel is now:


Matches | Name (country)
174 R. E. Koertzen (RSA)
163 S. A. Bucknor (WI)
141 D. J. Harper (Aus)
131 D. B. Hair (Eng)
116 S. J. A. Taufel (Aus)
114 B. F. Bowden (NZ)
88 A. Dar (Pak)
68 B. R. Doctrove (WI)
48 M. R. Benson (Eng)
45 A. Rauf (Pak)
0 S. Shastri (Ind)

– Mohan

Accountability

Pronunciation: &-"kaun-t&-'bi-l&-tE
Function: noun
: the quality or state of being accountable; especially : an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one’s actions <public officials lacking accountability>

That is the definition from Merriam Webster’s Online dictionary. Unfortunately it is a word BCCI is unfamiliar with. When players perform poorly and/or do not show the right attitude, they are dropped from the team – and rightly so. But when members of the board (or the innumerable committees that it contains) do not perform, there is no accountability.

When the coach selection fiasco was played out, the members of the coach selection committee should have been held accountable. At least a couple of heads should have rolled (starting with Niranjan Shah, who prematurely went to the media saying that Ford was the new coach, even before confirming that he had accepted the offer). But no, there is no accountability.

When the selection committee says that there is no bench strength, it is not a reflection of  the lack of talent in the country, but a reflection of how BCCI has failed to tap into this pool of talent. So, who is to blame? No one – there is no accountability.

I could give several more examples on lack of accountability, but I think I’ve made my point.

Part of the reason, why there is no accountability is because Indian cricket is run by elected members and they run it like Indian politics. At least in politics, the public have a chance to voice their opinion and vote a government out. (Side note: Apparently, Lallu Prasad Yadav is likely to succeed Sharad Pawar. More fun and games!)

The only way to bring accountability into the mix is to run BCCI like a corporation. Appoint a CEO, and let him pick his support staff. Pay them handsomely and make them accountable. But sadly, late last year the working committee decided not to hire a CEO and to run the board through the elected body. I hope they reconsider this move and appoint a full time CEO who has the right professional qualifications and experience. And hopefully if they decide to hire one, the selection of the CEO is not done in the same farcical way as the selection of the coach.

(Makes me wonder, who runs the day to day activities of the board. Surely, the Agricultural minister has more pressing matters to attend to. So,  Niranjan Shah the secretary must be responsible for it. That sounds about right. Niranjan Shah – CEO of BCCI – although in this case it should stand for Chief Entertainment Officer – he really is a big joke!)

-Mahesh-

Coach Search to resume in a fortnight

Apparently the BCCI bigwigs are busy with ICC meetings. So, the search for India’s coach resumes in a fortnight. Niranjan Shah, the BCCI Secretary said, however, that they will not be advertising the position. Shah said, “No, we won’t. There’s no need to; we will do it in our own way.”

Yes, and we all know what happened the last time they tried it that way!

– Mohan

Borde has been watching TV

Apparently, as part of his preparation for the tour of England, Chandu Borde has been watching the England Vs West Indies Test matches on TV and making some notes.

Great. There is hope after all! :-)

He has observed that the ball is “swinging quite a lot”. I think we will win with timely insights like this! He thinks Kevin Pietersen and Paul Collingwood are good. He has been “following them on TV for a long time”. He has even taken the trouble, amidst his busy schedule, of making “some notes on them”. And the best insight that he has obtained is that “Andrew Strauss is also not a bad batsmen, although he’s had a lean patch of late.” And, in his view, Michael Vaughan is “injury-prone and thus susceptible to scoring less.”

Forget doing well in England. With these superb pearls of wisdom, the series is already in the bag guys!

What Ford Gate controversy? Bring it on, I say :-)

– Mohan

Ford Gate

Ford-Gate…

We recently got hold of the transcript of a conversation on a Mumbai BEST Bus from Matunga to Malabar Hill. At first we thought it was a joke. But then the more we read it, the more we realized that we had struck gold in terms of a wonderful scoop!

We investigated this a bit further and realized that we were onto a winner! This conversation on that bus was between a certain Sunil Have-Arse-kar and Ravi Shaft-Tree.

It took place the day after Graham Ford rejected BCCI’s Team-India-Coach appointment offer.

Have-Arse: Yaar, this situation is quite sad, huh? Why did that Graham Ford have to turn us down?
Shaft-Tree: That’s his problem Have-Arse. He doesn’t get our money. That’s all. Even Raw-Wool Dravid said today that Fords’ backing down was not a “lost opportunity”. Anyway, why should we give our hard earned money to a firang? Let’s do our usual thing and burn it all in India itself!
Have-Arse: Smart thinking. Be Indian, Screw Indians, By Indian.
Shaft-Tree: Egggg-jack-tlee…
Have-Arse: But why did that Ford have to slap us in the face?
Shaft-Tree: Because it was there to be slapped. Serve us right for going after a firang. They have morals yaar. That’s the problem. They are not like us.
Have-Arse: That’s correct. Why did they have to have morals? They should be more like us. You and me. No morals. No ethics.
Shaft-Tree: That’s why I think we should always go with amchi-Marathis. They understand us. You and me. We are the only two that matter in Indian cricket anyway. Amchi-Marathis are good. We can work with them. These firangs and Madrasis and extreme Northies like Buy-Shit-Sing Bedi are the main problem in cricket.
Have-Arse: So what do we do? How do we save face in all of this? Why don’t you take up another Manager-type assignment like that nonsense you undertook in Bangladesh? Can I suggest your name for Manager?
Shaft-Tree: If only India were touring Zimbabwe, I would have continued as Coach/Manager for one more tour.
Have-Arse: I can understand. I don’t know why we tour places like England and Australia. We should only play teams we can beat.
Shaft-Tree: Should we make this recommendation to the committee, then? There are plenty of teams we can play – West Indies, Bangladesh, Zimbabwe, Canada, Ireland, Bermuda…even USA has a team. I always wanted to go there.
Have-Arse: Will you take up a full time coach position, then?
Shaft-Tree: No, yaar. It is too much work. I just want to sit in the commentary box and find fault with others. I don’t like responsibility.
Have-Arse: Same here. I think that Buy-Shit-Sing Bedi got it right although I am going to adopt a dignified silence on the whole thing. But he is right. I don’t like commitment… I only like committees!
Shaft-Tree: We should find a scapegoat in the committee and blame this Ford-Gate fiasco on the ineptness of that one person.
Have-Arse: Good idea. But who?
Shaft-Tree: How about that Madrasi Srini-Was Plain-Cut-Rent-a-van as scapegoat?
Have-Arse: That’s a brilliant idea. I never liked that Madrasi anyway. He drinks too much. If he has to drink, he should do it in private like you and me.
Shaft-Tree: That’s very true. He is such an embarrassment. Who ever thought of his name in this superb committee? If Plain-Cut wasn’t there, we’d have embarrassed ourselves way back. Because of him and his smart-arse interjections, we had to wait this long before repeatedly embarrassing ourselves in public.
Have-Arse: To be honest, we are not really embarrassed. It is only that fool Kneel-And-Run Shah who is embarrassed. That Kneel-And-Run Shah is such an embarrassment.
Shaft-Tree: I heard he has been diagnosed with mad-cow-disease?
Have-Arse: No. No. No. Not mad-cow-disease. I know he is a mad-cow, but he actually has foot-in-mouth-disorder.
Shaft-Tree: But I saw him take his foot out of his mouth the other day.
Have-Arse: That was only a momentary lapse of reason. Moreover, he took that left foot out so that he could insert his right foot in!
Shaft-Tree: Why does he blabber so much in the media?
Have-Arse: Because that is his job! He has been hired to make us look good! It is always good to have a bakra around.
Shaft-Tree: So what do we do now apart from blaming it all on Plain-Cut-Rent-a-Van?
Have-Arse: I think we should think an amchi-Marathi for Coach/Manager. We can manipulate an amchi-Marathi more easily.
Shaft-Tree: Agreed. But who?
Have-Arse: Who is the first great amchi-Marathi that comes to your mind apart from me?
Shaft-Tree: Oh Master, there is daylight after you.
Have-Arse: I know, but who is next? I mean after me, daylight and then you?
Shaft-Tree: Polly kaka.
Have-Arse: Appoint him as coach.
Shaft-Tree: But Polly kaka is dead! He died on November 6 2006!
Have-Arse: Really? And he didn’t tell me? Everyone tells me what is going on in Indian cricket. Why didn’t he tell me and seek my permission before dying? And why didn’t you tell me till now?
Shaft-Tree: I thought you knew. After all, Oh Master! You know everything don’t you?
Have-Arse: Yes, but suddenly the world is turning against me. Ever since I talked about Hookes in that manner, no one tells me anything.
Shaft-Tree: Yes! That was very embarrassing. I thought you were Kneel-And-Run Shah for a minute!
Have-Arse: Don’t talk about it. I should have blamed that on Plain-Cut-Rent-a-Van too.
Shaft-Tree: Anyway, nothing can be done about it. And Polly kaka is no more.
Have-Arse: Let’s appoint him as Coach/Manager then! That way, we can still hold the remote control on Indian cricket.
Shaft-Tree: How can we appoint a dead amchi-Marathi yaar?
Have-Arse: We would be better off appointing a dead amchi than having a living Australian who likes to SMS to every one. That Chappal should have been slippered like Stew-Dear Naik.
Shaft-Tree: I support an amchi, but not a dead Polly kaka yaar. Moreover that Absolute Power will not accept a dead man. There can only be one dead man in BCCI and Absolute Power has reserved that ticket already! He wrenched that dead-man ticket from the hands of Jug-of-Melon Dalmation.
Have-Arse: Ok, ok. Then who is the next good amchi-Marathi that you can think of apart from me, daylight, you and Polly kaka?
Shaft-Tree: How about Dull-Lip Veg-”YesSir”-Kar?
Have-Arse: I never liked that tight-fisted Dull-Lip. He never really identified himself as an amchi. He always had a chip on his shoulder. And he was always on about national integration and crap like that. He is best left as a selector. That way he will remain powerless. All he can do is select teams. That anyone can do. Remember that we need someone there as Coach/Manager so that we can retain the remote control. Dull-Lip has a mind of his own.
Shaft-Tree: That is so very true. He does have a mind of his own. You know. On your valuable, sensible and honourabe suggestion, I put a few team-selection suggestions to Dull-Lip. But that Veng-”YesSir”-Kar doesn’t seem to listen to you and me much these days. I asked him to drop Very-Very-Lax-Man and also So-Rough Ganguly from the team, but he wouldn’t agree.
Have-Arse: Exactly. So, it can’t be Dull-Lip. Try and understand yaar. Just as I groomed you in the art of LSR (Leadership Sans Responsibility), I am trying to groom you in the art of RCM (Remote Control Management) and here you are, thinking about progress.
Shaft-Tree: Ok, oh Grand Master. You are so wise.
Have-Arse: Ok ok. Stop kneeling in public. That too in a public bus. Suggest another amchi.
Shaft-Tree: How about A-Bit Wade-Pav-kar?
Have-Arse: He is another amchi with a mind. I ask you for amchi’s and you point out the only two amchi’s that have a mind? Tu kya paagal hai? Listen to Wade-pav-kar’s bhashans in the media. He’d put Munna Bhai to shame.
Shaft-Tree: Sorry boss. I didn’t realize you wanted an amchi without a brain.
Have-Arse: Suggest any another amchi name then!
Shaft-Tree: Ok. I thought of another one… Break-Nath Soldier!
Have-Arse: Brilliant. Appoint him as coach.
Shaft-Tree: Have-Arse. I am very sorry to say this. But Break-Nath too passed away on June 26 2005.
Have-Arse: What? He too? And I didn’t know? What is going on? Why did no one tell me? Why did he not tell me before he passed away?
Shaft-Tree: You were busy changing the batteries on the remote control then.. That’s when Chappal was being appointed.
Have-Arse: Yeah! I know. The remote control batteries were not working then. That’s why that SMS-loving Aussie got in.
Shaft-Tree: It is a pity I know. I never liked him. I always prefer Bata Chappal myself.
Have-Arse: So, suggest another amchi.
Shaft-Tree: How about Sad-deep Patil? He is another amchi. If I remember, he took Kenya to the semi-finals in the World Cup in 2003?
Have-Arse: Nakko re. He is too young. Remember he is only 50. We need someone who is at least over 70.
Shaft-Tree: Oh ok. More constraints! So we want an alive amchi without a brain who is at least 70 years old?
Have-Arse: Yep.
Shaft-Tree: Ok! How about Chacha Chamcha?
Have-Arse: You are joking.
Shaft-Tree: No, I am not. I think Chacha Chamcha would be ok. He’ll do what we — I mean you — ask him to do.
Have-Arse: But the man can hardly walk!
Shaft-Tree: Yes, I know. But Chacha Chamcha Chandu Boredom should be a good choice. And he still walks around with a cricket bat in his hand.
Have-Arse: What are you talking about, Shaft-Tree? That is not a bat, it is a walking stick.
Shaft-Tree: No. No. Have-Arse, age must be catching up with you. It is a cricket bat! See properly again. Having said that, you seem to always see what I can’t see.
Have-Arse: Of course I see what you can’t see. Haven’t you heard the old saying – “Je na dekhe Ravi, te dekhe Sunny“? In other words, “What the Sun (Ravi) cannot see, Sunny can see”.
Shaft-Tree: I thought the statement was “What the Sun cannot see, Kavi (Poet) can see”
Have-Arse: Same thing, yaar. When I used to bat, people used to say it was poetry in motion.
Shaft-Tree: But I’ve heard people say that these days, when you speak it is the equivalent of “loose” motion! Remember Hookes?
Have-Arse: Please, do not remind me of that Hookes episode yaar. I made Kneel-And-Run Shah look good! In fact, let us please not talk about Australians at all. Ok? I should have walked out of the MCG that day when Then-Is Lillie bad-mouthed me. I immediately cried on the field and dragged that other fellow who was batting with me away from the field. What was that guy’s name? That Northie… Anyway, I should have walked out on the Aussies. That So-Lean Dew-Rani made me change my mind. Anyway, you made me change topics again. We have to come up with the name of an amchi Manager
Shaft-Tree: So, Chacha Chamcha Boredom then?
Have-Arse: But I am still concerned yaar. The fellow can’t walk!
Shaft-Tree: So? All the better. Let’s give him a runner. That way he can sit in the dressing room appearing to be in control while drinking his whiskey. Why would he want to go out onto the field in the cold English summer anyway? We — I mean you — can bark instructions to him via remote-control and the runner can take these onto the field. That would be brilliant.
Have-Arse: What if he has a heart-attack midway through the tour?
Shaft-Tree: Look on the bright side. At least in that case, you will get to know about it!
Have-Arse: That’s true! Do you really think Chacha Chamcha Chandu Boredom will be able to do it?
Shaft-Tree: I think he stopped doing it many years ago. I spoke to Chachi the other day myself.
Have-Arse: I mean coaching the team and not doing “it”. Dirty mind…
Shaft-Tree: Yeah, he can do it. All he has to do is sit in a chair in the dressing room and sip his whiskey all day. Moreover, he will certainly be our Chacha Chamcha.
Have-Arse: Ok. But how are we going to convey that Chacha Chamcha should be our Manager to BCCI chief Absolute Power?
Shaft-Tree: Because he is a politician, we have to be very careful. It was easier when we had Jug-of-Melon Dalmation as the BCCI Prez. Even that Madrasi No-AC-Muthiah was easy to deal with.
Have-Arse: Do you know what happened when Muthiah was sent through a Rectifier?
Shaft-Tree: No.
Have-Arse: We got DC Muthiah! … And people say I don’t have a sense of humour.
Shaft-Tree: Actually, that is not true. They only say that you don’t have any sense.
Have-Arse (In angry tone): Ok then. You talk to Absolute Power and get him to think that the appointment of Chacha Chamcha Chandu Boredom was actually his idea. That’s the only way that egotist will buy the idea.
Shaft-Tree: Ok boss.
Have-Arse: Meanwhile, you call Dull-Lip and ask him to include A-Bit Shock-ar-kar, Was-a-bat Jaffer, Round-hit Sharma, Bye-Raj Bahut-Ho-Gaya-tule, Romesh PowWow, ZaZa-Gabor Khan and others from Mumbai in the team. Any chance for Win-A-Neck Samant in the team as the wicketkeeper?
Shaft-Tree: No Mahindra-Jeep Dhoni has got that spot. We can’t shift the Jeep out of the team.
Have-Arse: Make Mahindra-Jeep an amchi then. Simple.
Shaft-Tree: Ok Master. Did you know that Raw-Wool Dravid is also an amchi? He was born in Nagpur.
Have-Arse: I know, but he is not a true amchi. Tell Veng-”YesSir”-Kar to make Soft-Chin vice-captain. We need more control.
Shaft-Tree: One of these days, all XV players will be amchi.
Have-Arse: And don’t forget that we will have an amchi coach too — dead or alive. And of course the remote control managers will always be me, daylight and you!
Shaft-Tree: Bus stop aa gaya Master.
Have-Arse: Hey Shaft-Tree! Look at that Madrasi looking fellow seated behind us in this bus! Do you think he heard what we said? Do you think he has recorded this conversation?
Shaft-Tree: Really?
Have-Arse: I think so… Will that get us into trouble?
Shaft-Tree: There is no problem even if he has heard us or recorded this conversation. Don’t worry. We can fix these problems. If necessary, I can talk to several Dons that I know.
Have-Arse: I can talk to a Don too. The best Don there ever was!
Shaft-Tree: That Don that you are referring to is dead too, by the way!
Have-Arse: Really? He too didn’t inform me?

EXIT STAGE LEFT!

{to be continued…}

Raised Eyebrows: Cataracts or Contracts?

Team India Player contracts for the 2007-2008 season have raised a few eyebrows — most notably, the retention of Irfan Pathan in Grade B and the allocation of Zaheer Khan in Grade C!

This could be seen an ill-deserved boon for Pathan and a demotivator for Zaheer Khan. After the irresponsible and messy Coach-Gate fiasco, which resulted in the choice of septuagenarian Chandu Borde as Manager of Team India, and the team selection for the tour of Ireland and England, which has left the team moderately imbalanced, the last thing India probably needed was for the only experienced fast bowler in the team to be demotivated. Well, what lack of fitness and lack of form could not do, the BCCI has achieved in one fell swoop! When the BCCI is able to dish out regular doses of upper-cuts to the Team and to its chances, why does the team need to play oppositions at all? There is a better opposition for Team India in the BCCI itself.

So, what is wrong with the gradation system?

Well, for one it relies almost entirely on performance in the last year and not at all — to the best of my knowledge — on future potential. Moreover, the contracts are for only 17 players. Surely, the BCCI — the Worlds’ richest cricketing body — can do better than that?

This is either a case of short-sightedness or lack of vision. Someone needs to rid the BCCI of its cataract and cancer. Or else we will see a continuous and relentless internal hemmoraging of Indian cricket.

At the moment, Dinesh Karthik, R. P. Singh, V. R. V. Singh, Robin Uthappa, Ishant Sharma, Romesh Powar, Piyush Chawla, Rohit Shama, Ranadeb Bose, et al do not have a contract. And these guys are on the plane to Ireland and/or England. Manoj Tiwary, Cheteshwar Pujara and S. Badrinath — players with identified and acknowledged potential — do not have a contract.

Australia, in its list of 25 players, has guys like Cullen Bailey (SA), Daniel Cullen (SA), Brad Haddin (NSW), Ben Hilfenhaus (Tas), James Hopes (Qld), Phil Jaques (NSW), Mitchell Johnson (Qld), Chris Rogers (WA), Adam Voges (WA) and Cameron White (Vic). Clearly, this is an investment to the future! Some of these guys haven’t played an ODI or a Test! They have also retained faith in Jason Gillespie (SA) when he hadn’t played either an ODI or a Test match in the immediately previous year! This shows foresight, courage, planning and process-cleanliness.

I know I have been going on for a while about systems and processes in Australia. That is how they got to where they’ve got to in World Cricket. If they had sat on their fingers — as the BCCI tends to do — the only thing they’d have got is ring marks on their collective backsides — which is what the BCCI has a lot of!

Surely, the BCCI can increase the contracted player list to 25. Surely the BCCI could come up with a system that assures contracts to players based on both performances in the last year as well as future potential!

Even Pakistan is thinking of delivering a contract-list of 25 players.

The main rule that discriminates the contracted lot from the non-contracted lot for Team India is the one that says that “Any player who plays a minimum of five Tests or 15 ODIs during a season automatically qualifies for a Grade C contract for the following season”.

So, Dinesh Karthik, R. P. Singh, V. R. V. Singh, Robin Uthappa, Ishant Sharma, Romesh Powar, Piyush Chawla, Rohit Shama, Ranadeb Bose, et al could still bag a contract. However, they are not on the starting blocks and that is grossly unfair, in my view. Potential has been discarded with a view to rewarding past performances. A contract should recognise future potential as much as it does past performance. Someone needs to tell the BCCI lemons that one should not drive a car merely by looking at the rear view mirror!

Another beef I have with these contracts is that they are nine months late! They are effective from October 1, 2006 and will expire September 30, 2007. What are the BCCI officials doing if they cannot administer a player-contracts-process in an efficient and clinical manner? Yes, there were disputes relating to a percentage share of revenues, etc. But there are few contract processes that are sans dispute and negotiation. That is a fact of life. To have a contracts-system that is delivered 9 months late is a terrible shame.

Finally, the actual gradation of a few players indicates that there are a few people who are asleep on the wheel on the BCCI bus. How can someone like Irfan Pathan score a Grade-B contract when Zaheer Khan languishes in Grade-C? Even Ajit Agarkar, Zaheer Khan’s Mumbai-mate, who has done precious little in the last year, finds himself in Grade-B!

The graded players are:

  • Grade-A (Rs 50 lakh/yr plus match fee): Rahul Dravid, Sachin Tendulkar, Sourav Ganguly, Anil Kumble, Yuvraj Singh, M. S. Dhoni.
  • Grade-B (Rs 35 lakh/yr plus match fee): V. V. S. Laxman, Harbhajan Singh, Virender Sehwag, Irfan Pathan, Ajit Agarkar.
  • Grade-C (Rs 20 lakh/yr plus match fee): Gautam Gambhir, Wasim Jaffer, Sree Sreesanth, Zaheer Khan, Suresh Raina, Munaf Patel.

M. S. Dhoni and Yuvraj Singh have moved up from Grade-B to Grade-A. This is perhaps understandable. It is also perhaps a sign to both that a lot more is expected of them in terms of commitment and responsibility.

Virender Sehwag, V. V. S. Laxman, Harbhajan Singh and Irfan Pathan have dropped from Grade-A to Grade-B. These are understandable too. Irfan Pathan, Virender Sehwag and Harbhajan Singh are not on the plane to England. Moreover, their form has dropped off considerably and worryingly over the last year or so. Laxman’s drop to Grade-B is perhaps understandable. His ODI career is all but over.

Mohammed Kaif and Murali Kartik are out of contracts. And that is understandable too and they have been replaced by Wasim Jaffer and Munaf Patel.

Overall, this has been yet another shambolic performance from the BCCI.

– Mohan

Contrast the approaches of India and Sri Lanka…

In direct contrast to the supremely arrogant, mindless and clueless manner that India adopted in selecting its coach, Sri Lanka went about their task of finding a replacement for Tom Moody in a quiet, focussed, organised and goal-oriented manner. Sri Lanka has chosen Trevor Bayliss, the current New South Wales coach after a professionally conducted search process. Sri Lanka stayed under the radar and went about their business in a quietly efficient manner.

Sri Lanka had former-cricketers on their selection panel too; cricketers who care about the future of Sri Lankan cricket. In Sidath Wettimuny, Michael Tissera, Anura Tennekoon Duleep Mendis and Aravinda de Silva, they had a brains trust that was dependable and able. They had Board administrators on the panel too; officials who care about things other than just moolah. The end result was a smart appointment.

Bayliss was a decent player for New South Wales. On retiring, he turned to coaching and took over the coaching of the NSW side when Steve Rixon left. He led NSW to triumphs in the Pura Cup and the ING cup. This was a smart appointment.

In direct contrast, we have Niranjan Shan now crying like a 5-year old whose lollies have been stolen. Unfortunately, Indian cricket is run by a bunch of guys that do not seem to know the difference between their backsides and their bent elbows.

The most shocking piece in all of this was Gavaskar’s comments when Graham Ford turned down the job. He said, “We are back to square one, that is a fact of life. I don’t know what the BCCI’s thinking is, whether it will start the process [of appointing a coach] all over again or make a short-term appointment as it did for the Bangladesh tour.

Now, what does this statement really say?

Yes. The fact is that the Butchering Cricket Committee of Idiots (BCCI) is back to square-one. And Gavaskar is indeed right — that is a fact of life! But why did this “fact of life” realisation hit the idiots-committee only post the Ford-Escape event? If the idiots-committee knew that a rejection is a “fact of life”, why did they have to send I-can-talk-more-nonsense-than-you-can-write-Niranjan-Shah to thump his chests in an arrogant and bullish manner and claim that they had appointed Graham Ford even before Ford had accepted?

But the most galling part of Gavaskar’s comments is where he says “I don’t know what the BCCI’s thinking is“. Huh? Has he absolved himself of all responsibility? Dammit! He is part of the committee that is supposed to have the answers! Why throw it back to the BCCI? The least he could have done is to say “I don’t know what our thinking is”. In that one statement he has effectively sought to absolve himself of all ownership and accountability in the selection process. Is he placing himself as part of the solution or part of the problem?

And the part where he says “whether it will start the process all over again or make a short-term appointment as it did for the Bangladesh tour” is further evidence of pointing the finger of accountability somewhere else. Clearly, the idiots-committee did not even think through a Plan-B, let alone evolve one. No wonder they adopted an ants in the pants approach to hurriedly appoint Chandu Borde, the first name that came to their collective (non)minds.

Should this man have any part in the running of Indian cricket?

And to top it all, we have Chandu Borde saying that he is not sure what is expected of him! So, we have a selection committee that has just thrown their collective hands in the air and absolved themselves of all responsibility. We have a bunch of idiots that do not have a clue but are crying foul while hiding behind their mama’s saris. And a coach-manager that does not have a clue! And all of this, just before a major, lengthy tour.

Sigh!

– Mohan

Team India Selection: Lack of Balance and Coach…

Barring a few raised-eyebrows, the team selections for the ODIs and Tests in Ireland and England have been quite good.

Here are some of my “raised eyebrow” issues:


  • The worst goof up is, IMVHO, the absence of a coach for such an important tour. This is going to be a long and an arduous tour and the embark on it without a full-time, professional coach is nothing short of blasphemy. While we can understand and perhaps even accept that Messers Sharad Powar, Niranjan Shah, Ratnakar Shetty and Srinivasan — Board aficionados — can do nothing more than smelling money, it amazes me that cricketing folk like Sunil Gavaskar, S. Venkatraghavan and Ravi Shastri can hold their heads high after delivering one of the bleakest moments for Indian Cricket! The lack of accountability for the manner in which this search process was planned, conducted and executed is galling. Who will pay for this mess that these goons have landed Indian cricket in? Surely this bunch couldn’t organise a booze-party in a brewery even if their life depended on it!
  • This persistence with Gautam Gambhir is a bit puzzling. He is now in both teams, which makes it all the more frustrating. If the team wanted a cover for the Jaffer-Karthik combine for the Tests, perhaps Aakash Chopra would have been a better choice. He has a tight technique and has also worked the club circuit in England for the last few years!
  • The absence of Dinesh Mongia will, I think, hurt the team. He is a decent bat. He has played many a season in England on the county circuit. And he is a decent enough bowler to claim the 5th bowlers’ slot in a ODI team. His absence hurt the balance of Team India in the World Cup and I suspect that this will be the case in this series too. Unless India are able to unearth a decent allrounder, someone like Mongia (or even Pathan) should be in the team, in my view.
  • The presence of Ajit Agarkar in the ODI team! I really can’t fathom this. Perhaps the selection team decided that, with the unreliability of Munaf Patel, they needed someone more experienced in the attack. Agarkar continues to be an enigma. When Harbhajan Singh, Virender Sehwag and Munaf Patel have been punished for their lackadaisical approach to the game, I am not sure why Agarkar was spared. While his physical intensity is not really in question, his mental approach to the game is certainly, in my view, lackadaisical.
  • The choice of vice-captains. Sachin Tendulkar is vice-captain in Tests and Dhoni is the vice-captain in ODIs. Figure that one out! Is there a hint that, keeping in mind the huge “why two wicketkeepers” outcries during the Bangladesh Test series, this bifurcation in vice-captain responsibilities means Dhoni will perhaps sit out in the Tests against England? It is certainly possible, although I am possibly reading too much into things… Second-guessing Team India selectors is always a hard task!
  • The presence of Laxman in the Test team. I have said enough on this topic in the past and so won’t repeat it. He is an over-rated cricketer with a poor work-ethic. He should make way for youngsters like Rohit Sharma, S. Badrinatha and Cheteshwar Pujara.

Having said that, let us look at the possible teams:

ODIs:
Gautam Gambhir
Robin Uthappa / Dinesh Karthik
Sourav Ganguly
Sachin Tendulkar
Rahul Dravid (capt)
Yuvraj Singh / Rohit Sharma
Mahendra Singh Dhoni (vice-capt, wk)
Ramesh Powar / Piyush Chawla
Ajit Agarkar
Zaheer Khan
Sreesanth / RP Singh

The first thing that strikes you about this team is its lack of balance. This is where a Dinesh Mongia (or a performing-Pathan) provide an edge. And that is another reason why the absence of Virender Sehwag creates a bigger hole. While one can certainly understand that Sehwag needs to be left out of the team, one can’t ignore the fact that Sehwag would routinely bowl 5-6 steady overs every game. Yuvraj Singh does not bowl much these days. And Sachin Tendulkar is no 10-overs-every-match type of bowler.

While Rohit Sharma does bowl off-spin, I don’t see him as able to dislodge the middle-grouping of Ganguly-Tendulkar-Dravid-Yuvraj. Morevoer, he has not really bowled in first-class games and has bowled only a few overs in List-A and Twenty20 games.

The fast-bowling department lacks discipline, balance, pace and depth. While one can understand why Munaf Patel wasn’t chosen, the left-field appearance of Ajit Agarkar is a throwback to the pre-World-Cup-2007 hoopla. The collective ODI experience of this group is shallow and will, I believe, expose them badly. Then again, they may do really well through a combination of hard work, disciplined line-and-length and fielding excellence.

The less said about the fielding, the better!

Tests:
Wasim Jaffer
Dinesh Karthik / Gautam Gambhir
Rahul Dravid (capt)
Sachin Tendulkar (vice-capt)
Sourav Ganguly
VVS Laxman / Yuvraj Singh
Mahendra Singh Dhoni (wk) / Ramesh Powar
Anil Kumble
Zaheer Khan
Sreesanth
Ranadeb Bose / RP Singh / Ishant Sharma

The opening combination is a dreadful worry. Again, it is likely that Jaffer will pull his offside discipline together and it is likely that Karthik will be able to dig his heels in. But it is a worry that Team India is approaching its longer-term planning and development in this manner. I fear that Karthik is going to go down the path of people like Deep DropGupta, Party Patel and Sanjay Bangar before him! A makeshift can only be that… makeshift! Even Virender Sehwag, with a batting average of nearly 50, has been left behind. A makeshift he was too. I wonder how many more will be sacrificed before a longer-term view is taken of the opening position. It is a vital position — especially when touring England and Australia.

I hope the team does not play two ‘keepers. They can then either go with Powar or Yuvraj Singh at #7. I know (and have heard) the ‘spin’ around Karthik being chosen purely as a batsman. But if Karthik can ‘keep as well as Dhoni — and possibly even a tad better — why not choose another bowler?

The absence of any young batting talent in this team is also a concern. I’d have liked to have seen a Rohit Sharma or a Cheteshwar Pujara instead of VVS Laxman! But apart from a protest message from ‘gnbmdr’ this view isn’t going to do much — at least for the time being!

Finally again, the bowling… I have a feeling that one of Ranadeb Bose or Ishant Sharma (and not RP Singh) will get a guernsey in the bowling line-up. I like the look of Bose. And if there is an optimal place for his to make his debut, it would be in England. What he lacks in pace, he more than adequately makes up with away movement and line-and-length. Still, the bowling lacks depth and balance. The only safe way for this team to get 20 wickets consistently will be, IMVHO, if it goes in with a 5-man bowling attack. And for that to happen, Dhoni needs to bench-warm!

All in all, it is not a great selection effort. But it is not a bad hand either. It will have to do, given the bench-strength. The sacking of Harbhajan Singh, Virender Sehwag and Irfan Pathan has to be commended. At the same time, the reinstating of Ajit Agarkar is more mysterious than his Mickey Mouse ears! I do, however, feel that the absence of a proper coach, the absence of Dinesh Mongia from the ODI team and the presence of VVS Laxman in the Test team will hurt India.

I am happy to be proven wrong on all these counts…

– Mohan